I don’t know where I belong or if I belong. 

Maybe I should quit and go back to who I once was but I don’t know her anymore.

I don’t know me anymore. 


Happiness is a road less traveled.

March 7, 2015



Words keeping me partially sane.
Letters making words making sentences making this page full of black lines and squiggles. The one thing I can control, the words I write here.

Do you ever have those days where you feel like the only person in the world who isn’t happy? I’ll attempt to paint you a picture of my “life”.

Try adding 364 days of unhappiness to that,give or take for leap years and such.

Then multiply those days by 22 years. (Soon to be 23 years, unless I can manage to get this “Happiness” thing under my control by then. )

Oh, Happiness. *Insert Dreamy Voice Here*

I’m not saying I’ve had a cloud of despair over my head my entire life. I’ve been happy before. I have the memories when I seemed happy. They feel a lot like the vague, lingering dreams you can’t quite remember after you wake.

Don’t say it. Don’t tell me. I know, I know.

Well, the problem is, I just got a car and I have no i-freaking-dea which road is the “road of happiness”.
I can’t follow directions to save my life and I keep hitting road blocks regardless.

It’s a brave new world, folks.

Most people my age fall under three categories: 1.) You are in college, building your future while having an invigorating, yet promiscuous, alcohol fueled time. 2.) You have recently graduated college posting photos all over Facebook about how you can’t even believe you made it! Now it’s time to find a job in your chosen profession, “May the odds be ever in your favor.” 3.) You found the love of your life, you’ve gotten married or you’ve had a baby and everything is either copacetic or chaos. The way I see it is at least you are doing something.

I got my first car and drivers license a year ago, at the ripe age of twenty-one. I’m a late bloomer and up until now I wasn’t doing much with my life. I started working for a grocery store shortly after my high school career because I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. One year off of college turned into five years. Honestly, I still have no idea what I want to do or where I’m going, but who really does? So instead of wasting the rest of my younger years at a grocery store fuel center; I’ve decided to go to school. It’s only a tech school, but something is better than nothing. At the moment I want to be a Pharmacy Tech, oh the excitement of being a legal drug dealer. I realize now that my hopes for leaving the grocery store scene is cut in half but Pharmacy Tech is a classier title then Fuel Attendant. I haven’t fit into any of those categories before. I’m starting the process of elbowing my way in though. Wish me luck.